All about Me:

Hi everyone its good to know that I finally decided to be serious to do a blog for all of you. By the way I'm Aira aka fugine6wind, I'm a filipino and I lived to the great "Perlas ng Silanganan" (wink^_*). I'm a youtube guru you can check my videos on Make-up, haul, reviews and many more. I'm a medical Student so its a little difficult for me to do a everyday blogging but since its my passion and I lurved to talk about Fashion. I'm totally ignoring my toxic life. All Of the blogs and issues here are just my personal opinion, not to harm anyone or the company and not to give bad image on the products or what so ever so keep on tuning for more updates best of luck. Aira ^_*

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"My Memories of Dada"

I woke up one morning and I realized that Dada was no longer with us. She was my second mom who took care of me when I was little and guided me till adolescence. Last April 2010 wedding of my cousin that I notice somethings different about her she no longer do what she usually do during wedding which is in our own traditional way. I just concluded that she was not agreeing to this marriage.

After that she started coughing and we all thought it was just a normal cough. But actually that was the start of a very scary future heading for our family. When we got back to Manila on May 2009 she started consulting doctor from our nearby clinic. She started to take different medicine and even X-ray which is actually NEGATIVE and NORMAL. But still her medicine did not gave her any relief. Till my mom decided to take her to MEDICAL CITY. And their she was admitted to ICU coz the doctors would like to check for her more. And stayed in ICU for a week, she ask my mom to go home because she thought she was fine except for cough of course.

Day by day with no relief, many medicine and test where used and done. She was diagnose with many diseases causing from lung problem. But she became worst when she started consulting to LUNG CENTER her doctor request for X-ray again and diagnose her with Tuberculosis. The doctor prescribed an anti-TB drug. She ask me to see the x-ray and explain to me that she has TB. She did not show any worriness to her illness but I can see through her that she was very sad and to relieve her from too much emotion I told her that TB was a curable disease nowadays. She ask me what she can do to avoid transfering her TB to us. But not less that a week she lost her appetite, her skin started to flake and she became gloomy. One night she was rush into the hospital in LUNG CENTER because of difficulty of breathing. I thought it was a good idea but actually the start of nightmare for her and for us.

August 2009 when she was admitted to Lung Center, the doctor was wrong again it was not Tuberculosis. An x-ray was done and their was fluid in her lungs as well as cancer. Another doctor was called and told us that he had a new study that was even implemented in Japan and details where not clear for me. Where he will removed the fluid using a tube directly to the pleural sac and medicine will be used directly into that area. So inshort hitting two birds with one stone, removing the fluid and the same time curing the disease. We all agree to this method, less invasive and assurance of treating the patient. And she started the surgery which we thought could help her. And my auntie is in COMA after that, yes in COMA. Seizure the next minute and another and another seizure for heaven sake what was happening here. Instead of making her relieved with her cough she's now in COMA plus seizure.

With prayers and hopes after a week she woke up but she can't talk "ngo-ngo lang naman". So again another doctor from neurosurgeon  was requested and finally the CT SCAN was shown to us she has tumor on her brain which actually metastasize from her lungs. Doctor said if we removed it, it will not assured to us that will not come back again, like I said metastasized cancer from the lungs so there are possibility that it will come back again. And from that week she might die. We chose not to, her brother instead hired a "mangagamot" from different provinces. Because one of us said that it was her "ikaduwa" which is something like your bad twin that can help you or kill you. He concluded that because when she was able to talk she said she saw an evil spirit next to my uncle scaring her and kinda immitate the action of that evil spirit so in outcome she was in seizure. From that time with many people treating her, she ask if she can go home again since she felt ok instead we will be needing oxygen in our house for her to breath on.

September 2009 we picked up my mom from the airport which by the way TYPHOON ONDOY the biggest so far in my years of living hit the Philippines. Our house was built in my fathers own measurement of the different typhoon he had encountered.The house is elevated than any other houses in our place. But still this typhoon was able to invade until inside our house can you imagine that. What more the other houses near us. Still no change, we all thought she was fine because she can eat little by little and even go to CR standing and walking and she can even removed her oxygen for a minute. People still coming treating her.

October 2009 same old story, she even ask me if I dream of a dying person in our family. Because actually I have this not so GIFT that I can see which is dying people. I can see them in my dreams but with blury faces. Its more like a "pahiwatig", I told her NONE but actually I did see something. My late great grand mother was in a very beautiful place full of white, when I was walking to pass thru that area my mom stop me and told me that, it is not the place where I belong for now. So I stop and suddenly I saw my late great grand mother took someone with us instead. Now I think I realized what that dream was all about. I burst with cry, not my Dada!!!

That time she keep on asking her clothes to put everything in the luggage and her precious jewelry ask me to take it out from the storage because she will give them one by one with her neices' including me, and all of us. I just shout at her while crying and told her "anu ka mamatay kana ba?" don't mind her she's just hallucinating I told them. She told us that when the flood is gone is will also be gone. I stayed in my room and not coming to her room. Because it hurts me so much that the pain will never go away and I hate that feeling. Weekdays I have to go to school and to my dormitory, friday in the after noon I  rush to go home with my car without caring of the traffic I could face and rain in my way. Just to check on her if she's ok, I act happy go lucky to lessen the tension in our home. I did not show any weakness or too much sadness, and I felt that she thinks I dont care about her but actually I do. I just dont want her to see me that way.

One day my uncle proposed that she should be treated in their house instead. Because of the flood in our home and if their is emergency it will be easy to take her to hospital. Thats "SHIT" I told to myself as if you can. I dont want her to leave the house, how can that be when I am seeing in my vision that she will never ever go back to our house if she left. But Dada keep insisting that she wants to stay in my uncles house, i got so angry that I said bad words to them. I know I was wrong but, she must not leave the house, I need to see her day by day and my vision should be wrong. Still she was able to go out and ride the small boat, the flood made by ondoy is still their. I was looking at her in the window while leaving the house. I feel so irritated and hate my uncle for doing it.

Now she was treated their and I did not show up. Even when I heared that her seizure came back, I did not show my face to her. But one Saturday or Sunday I could not remember of the same month, I decided to visit her, the flood is now much lower and our car can now pass thru. I saw her, I'm speechless she was so different her skin around her eyes is bulging around the periorbital area. She keep blowing while breathing, she can no longer talk that much, she wanted beside the aircon while fanning her with electric fan, she feel so hot than she usually is. I dont know the whole story but she wanted to take her to the hospital but nobody did. If only I know what really was happening I should have done something. But you know I dont have that power in our family. As usual I act like a stone not caring that much but everytime I look at her I wanted to cry. If only I can give her half of my life leaving in this world, I wont regret it. Giving her my life is a lot more better, coz I know she can used my life very well, she can help others unlike me useless person. I dont have any contribution to any society, I'm just nobody.

After that OCTOBER 19, I was heading back to my dormitory and school to take my exam. Someone texted me "wala na si dada". And my phone ring after, I heard crying and I said "why, what happen, when" and another "why". Here comes the nightmare I was scared of my dada passed away.

No comments:

Post a Comment